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I am so stupid. I am no were near anorexic or even skinny. Why do i fucking care so much? I don't deserve the label anorexic, because i am a whale. I hate everything about myself and everybody else right now. I have this feeling like i just want to scream out and maybe deafen some people! I hate skinny girls because i am not skinny like them. I hate how some skinny girls can eat whatever they like and how much of it and still be skinny. Why can't i be like that? Why can't i be perfect?
  One thing i hate the most is the look my dad gave me today. He asked if i wanted lunch and of course i said no. He just gave me a glare and said 'you don't eat much rebekah' i just said i was still full from breakfast, which i was. Yes my dad perpared my breakfast, he gave me the biggest bowl ever know to man of muesli and yougurt. I ate it all so i didn't get the greif but i felt like shit afterwards. Well at dinner time my family decided to order take away. I quickly replied with 'I'm not having a take away!' I was in panic obvously! So my mum gave me this confused look and said 'you used to love take out. I suppose your all health consious now' What the hell is that supposed to mean? Instead i had some stuffed pasta. This is so much fucking food! That is 630 calories. I failed badly. I really want to be able to eat 200 calories a day. Why does family have to be so fucking annoying and why can't they just leave me alone!! I am old enough to decide what i want to eat and not. I can't wait to move out of this hell!!

Tomorrow i am off again and the family are out at work, so i am going to practice purging in the shower so i can do it when there in the house. That may sound sick and hyporcritical but i need to know how much noice i make before i do it when there in! Anyway tomorrow i will need a good binge....

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