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Back from my camping weekend...  I didn't binge as much as i thought i would. 1165 calories for Friday and 1250 for Saturday. I will have burnt a lot of this off though becuase i was walking 3 miles on friday will tent ect on my back and walked about 8 miles on saturday. I only had 5 rows of chocolate, more than i said i would have but it's really hard when doing so much exercise. I also had half pack of fruit pastles. So am okay with eating over 1000 this weekend, i think i might just be saying this so i don't break down haha! I haven't stepped on the scales yet. I don't want to after doing so well the last couple of days and then binging! I even binged this morning. I had some cereal for breakfast and a roll with nutella. I have realised my mistake, all i can do now is try and correct it. This week is going to be tough. My birthday tomorrow, i don't want to have any cake, i know this will just spark my mum off so i'm going to have to deal with it. I am liv...

Got home from school today to find a nice new dress i bought for myself! I know it isn't what it said on my rewards list but it was only £10! The better news, it's in a size 8!! I fit in to it nicely with a little bit of room! Soooooo happy!!!!! So after this i thought i would get on the scale, being brave. 114.6lbs! YASSS! I can't believe it after my binge last night!! Only being a week until paris, will i be able to loose 5lbs in that time? I hope so, even 2lbs would make me soooo happy! Packing tonight for my camping weekend. I'm quite looking forward to it. The weather has been amazing! So i might just get a nice tan! I really hope so, saves me buying more fake tan! I do need to remember to pack suncream, i want nice brown skin not bright red! I really need to be good and not pack too much stuff since i am walking 8 miles with it on my back! So due to me camping i won't be able to post this weekend. I will try post on sunday night. Hopefully extatic because i ma...

Yes i ate some today. I suck! When other family members come around for dinner my mum has the feeling to make some pudding, that i never want. At first i said i didn't want any. Then came the lecture. YOU DON'T EAT ENOUGH, LOOK HOW SKINNY YOU'VE GOTTEN, YOUR TROUSERS ARE FALLING OFF YOU. I could not be bothered with this. I screamed back FINE I'LL HAVE SOME JUST TO PROVE I DO EAT. I feel so guilty. Horrid apple pie. I hate it. 368 calories per slice! I wanted to purge so badly, but when 5 other people are sitting in the next room, it's quite hard without people noticing. So with this aweful apple pie my calorie intake is a whopping 916. Well at least i am under 1000. I was so annoyed everyone chose today to come for a family dinner. I was 115lbs this morning!!! CELEBRATE! But i very much doubt that i will still be that in the morning! Unless i do some exercise like right now, but there is no time. So much revison to be done. A whole art project to finish. And a whol...

I have just came home from school and feel weirdly happy. I had maths last lesson. I found out that i got 10 out of 20 on one paper and 12 out of 19 on another we did not that long ago. There not great results but all i could think was, 'you learn from you mistakes' My positive mind has set in already? I guess the glass is half full? Trying not to get to frustrated with myself after a mistake today, i had a digestive biscuit! I had alreay eaten 180 calories for breakfast! But i suppose i can easily do so sit-ups after dinner tonight and i've walked about all day so i must of burned it off, hopefully. My mum had made some vegetable pasta for dinner tonight. Plan is to eat each bit of veg with one piece of pasta, there is always loads more pasta than veg so this will leave quite a bit of pasta. So hopefully keeping me under 700 for today. Birthday a week from today. I am excited because i have asked for a new camera and i am going to paris in 3 days after my birthday, so fing...

I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure it's there. I do not want to be depressed and annoyed and pissed off anymore! I am making changes. I need to, to be able to achive. I am going to change many things, some may be hard, others may be easy. I am not going to swear anymore! No matter how annoyed or angry i am. I will use Ned flanders words (could be amusing).  I am going turn down those peanuts and any food i don't need. I will look at foods and actually think, do i need that or do i just want it? I will not care what my friends say about my eating habits, i will not give in. I will not stress out so much over nothing! I will give up chocolate, from now on. I will be as sociable with my family as much as i can. I will ditch those certain friends that don't care. I will be postive about my eating disorder. I will not wake up some morning wishing i didn't have it. I need it to be skinny. It doesn't just go away i need to tell my self. I ne...

I am never going to write that i am back on track on this blog ever again. It just leads to epic failures! Peanuts, was my downfall. I tried to purge them up, some did come up but something else did too. Blood. I was really freaked out. I wasn't sure if it was blood so i tried again, more peanuts and put and so did more blood! The next day my throat was really sore, its stil sore now. Why did this happen? What did i do wrong? That however did not put me off peanuts today. I had more along with a kitkat chunky! I wanted to purge so much. I didn't. I purged in a different way and done exercise! I went on just dance so an hour and really went for it along with 5 minutes of ab workouts (crunches, pulses ect.) and a plank for 30 seconds. I know i won't of burned much off but at least it's some right? Tomorrow i am planning for a full day of revison. FUN! This will distract me from food, i hope. I haven't got on the scales since thursday. Too scared i suppose. I don't...

117.1lbs! I have finallyy lost something! My liquid fast went soooo well! I had a smoothie and about 5 cups of green tea and of course lots of water! I honestly feel this time that i am back on track. I even thought about food today about what i would eat for lunch and i just thought, ' i don't want to eat that i dont need it' I didn't even need to talk myself into thinking like that i just did. My mother is making curry tonight, i really do not want it. I think i will try eat all the vegetables in it and a couple moth fulls of rice, since i'm still 'ill'. Sometimes, when i'm eating something that is high calorie i wish i will get food poisening or something. Thats weird yes but that means that my body doesn't like it so i have an excuss not to eat it anymore. It also means that i don't have to purge myself, so i don't feel guilty and i will also loose all of those bad calories. Everytime i eat something like that i wish that i would just spo...

Off school again today. I feel so unbelievably tired! I haven't slept proberly for about 4 days! I really needed today off to get myself together. So taking my tiredness to it's advantage, i am going to liquid fast today. Being 'ill' makes it easier to not eat when people are watching. I have been in such a depressed mood lately. I have been crying everynight before i go to sleep. I hate being so emotional it's driving me crazy!

Its the bigger boy version of guess how many jelly beans are in the jar: http://www.bulkammo.com/rifle/bulk-.223-ammo#contest I guessed 1452.  No particular reason, no logic involved at all, just a guess...

525 Calories today! So good after this weekend! I was loving the feeling of my stomache rumbling today! When it was lunch today, i didn't even look at someone elses food and want it! This is probably because i am at square one once again! I will not bow down to the damands of food! Which brings me on to tomorrow. I am staying after school to write my report about my camping trip. I have dance tomorrow as well. So, i'm not going home.. Which means, i can have like nothing for dinner!!! I am with friends though, which means i will have to eat something! I need to get some things that are low calorie. I think i may get a punnet of strawberries and some other foods. They will probably get chips. I will not eat chips. Gross and all chips lead to is fat!!! Dance tomorrow, so i will burn lots of fat off that i probably gained this weekend. I haven't got on the scales, i am scared i will cry if i do. Therefore avoiding them until friday... 300 calorie limit tomorrow? I think so. I ...

Was depressing! I am soooo fucking tired. I got ZERO sleep on friday night and i walked about 8 miles on saturday! Camping is so hard. It was my first time, so i guess i will just have to get used to it! Today was the worst, carrying all of my stuff inculding tent ect. My shoulders are fucked up! I am so weak it's pathetic. Other than the walking part and the sleeping in the minus temperatures it was okay. I had quite a good time with my friends, we had a laugh! Food this weekend has been aweful for me. Ha what a surprise since i have a lot of control when hungry and could eat for 20 men and have walked so far and haven't slept! Friday, 745 calories. Not bad eh? Saturday, 1543 calories. Fucking aweful. I must of burned a few of those off but i don't care. I was trying to take control and not have pudding. I had already had soup and a pot noodle but i was forced to eat pudding. I walked though to the kitchen to put my empty pot noodle in the bin, one of the teachers was in t...

Hate stress over food. Went shopping for my camping trip tonight! I am so stressed. People are so annoying. I keep on offering nice low cal things like soup and rice cakes. Nope we ended up with, pot noodle, soup, bread, cheese, crisps, millions of sweets that include chocolate! Argh i really am dreading this weekend. Why? Because i know i will binge. I need to keep thinking skinny. Walking 10 miles for two days and only eating 600 calories would be fantastic but i know its not going to happen. I need to be postive! I will eat my pot noodle and my soup. I will eat any fruit or vegetables that we have. I will ONLY eat 3 crisps, 3 bites of chocolate, and a hot chocolate drink. This looks like i am normal and not avioding the junk food all together, but being in control and trying to very hard to keep my cal intake low! Today 616 calories. Having family around means it's hard to not finish dinner, cannot be bothered with the critsims! When my mum was putting out dinner i was supervisi...

Well i acctually haven't ate anything today, I am minus calories. I ate 485 calories today but i did an hour and a half of dance, that burned 687 calories! Much stronger day than the last couple weeks have been. I acctually feel weak, this makes me happy i now know i am getting skinnier. I have had a massive headache all day i want to crawl in a hole! This is probably because we were discussing what food we need to take for the camping weekend, unbelievable stress! I am going to buy food so i will be able to pick out all the low calorie things. I need to stay strong this weekend, or i'm just going to gain shit loads of weight. They were talking of getting 3 tubes of pringles, i wanted to cry when i herd this! It makes me sick! Speaking of sick i purged today. I purged up my pasta that i had for dinner, i had told myself that i was only going to eat half but i ate it all. So it had to go, made me feel a bit better. I am unsure if this is normal after purging but i am always shak...

Well today i wen out with a couple of my friends. We were just hanging about the town because its a bank holiday. We went into a cafe, i was strong and i didn't have anything. BUT, afterwards both of them were saying i think you should get something to eat you haven't had anything. Yes i used the classics, i'm not hungry, i've had food before. NOPE, they weren't having it. We were in a shop and they said, we're not leaving until you buy some food. So i bought some chocolate. 400 CALORIES! FUCK! I couldn't believe it .   So after being forced to buy food i had to eat it. I was almost crying! I didn't enjoy it at all. All i could think of is how do people eat this without realising how much fat is in it!! My day in total came to 804 calories. This is my porridge, wishing i got up earlier (154) Chocolate (400) Soup (250) I though i saved myself by having leftover soup for dinner. My dad is never as bothered as my mum is about how much it eat at dinner time....

Porridge for breakfast, curse the mother!! She had already made for me when i came down this morning! So i am pre-planning my eating days from now on. So porridge (154 cals) I am stuck in the house today with my dad so he will probs make soup or something for lunch (250 cals?) Thats 404 calories already! I have no idea what will be for dinner but if i only have a few bites of whatever it is i must be able to stay under 600! This band 'The Word Alive' i have just started listening to are amazing. Some of their lyrics really spoke out to me, so i'm sharing them with people that don't know them, maybe you will feel the same too.       ' All the shame, all the pain that you have caused...         My heart can't beat (my heart can't beat).       All the fights, all the lies you put me through....       It's your disease' Inspiration for the thigh ga...

Curse those peanuts! I hate having a addiction to them! Eating them made my cal intake higher than i intended...783. Still under 1000 which i am proud of! I am a bit of a geek i have to admit! I watch wrestling as in pro quite often! Me and my sister watch it and we've watched since really young. I was watching it today and i don't normaly watch the female matches but today they really inspired me! They were sooooo skinny and pretty and confident, that is exactly what i want. No, i don't want to be a wrestler but i do want to as skinny as they are. This really gave me a slap in the face to get out of my binging habits!! I am planning to eat belvita breakfast biscutes for breakfast. They are 53 calories each and i will only eat two. I will eat nothing for lunch when i'm at school and when i am off i will just have fruit like an apple or something. For dinner i will have eat whatever the mother gives me but if i be fussy enough i should be able to stay under 600 calories....

 Binging. WOW, what a surprise since i have so much control these days. I don't even want to list what i have ate, i am so disgusted with myself!  I did try to purge it but while i was trying to get up some awefull waffer thing i ate my parents walk in! So yeah didn't get it all up and now i'm a fat pig! I knew this would happen. You know when you wake up one morning thinking what your doing is stupid that you will binge and feel sooo guilty afterwards.I HATE MYSELF! I hate needing to purge after i have ate loads. ARGHHH! Nothing is ever simple! I need to get out of being bored and eating shit loads. I really need to snap out of it! How? I have no idea because if i don't i will gain A LOT more than 2lbs if i carry on this way. HELP! I am sick of saying to myself, i'll start again tomorrow. I will start restricting again tomorrow with a limit of 700 calories. I need to find some ways to crub my cravings, if not i will become a fat ass! Soup tomorrow i think ...

Hanging out with my sister today. I can feel the bing coming on already! I need to plan. My parents are away tonight, so if i get my sister not to make dinner i will just skip it out tonight. I know she won't though. Argh i just wish this was easier than it is! I binged last night surpise! I cannot help myself when it comes to peanuts! I have a serious attiction to them! I need to stop. My calorie intake yesterday was 945 yesterday (aweful) So i need to control myself today. Yesterday i made a mistake by saying something in front of my parents yesterday. We had just finished dinner and this fat girl came on the tele and i said 'Thats enought to put me off food for a year' SHIT! After that i was also complaining that i wanted my stomache to be flatter. SHIT! Now all i have got after my episode is 'Your not fat rebecca, You don't need to loose weight' FUCK OFF. Yes i do! I want to just break down and cry. When i binge i just feel like i block out what the amount o...

388 calories today!!! WOOP! So happy. I have been to the gym today and ran 3k! So tired, that is the furthest i have ever ran i am so happy. I also was on the bike for about 15 minutes and x-trainer for the about the same. So i burned off my breakfast, YASS! So to keep up with my great day i had some noodles for dinner which are super low cal for a full meal (292) I also had some fruit salad and a tiny bit of ice cream( 42+55) I am overall happy with my day! BUT, that is the only good part about it! I failed my maths exam today, i didn't know anything on the paper, thank god it was just a mock! I also had science, but i didn't do too bad on that one. I am surprised since i fell asleep last night with my books all over my bed! Physics tomorrow, fucking great! Really cannot be arsed with that. Just want the weekend to come now!! I also found out i am camping next weekend for duke of edinburgh! SHIT! I have never camped before, so it will be interesting. We have a £40 spend limit ...

This always happens when my sister comes for dinner. I binge. I had some cake. Gross. I feel awefull, i have been doing good. Under 600 untill today which is 730. Not bad concidering i had cake, but still, if i want to loose weight cake isn't going to help.  Yes, i am depressed. Exams all this week and i have a maths and chemistry tomorrow. I just don't care anymore, i haven't even started revising yet.. I should but maths and science are my most hated subjects so i have zero motivation. Now the bad part, these pictures are so i can see my progress. I will post a picture every week to see if i have lost weight because sometimes it's hard to tell. These are also a great reason why not to eat! Don't have cravings any more haha....