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My sanity is long gone...

Why can't i stop eating? I am sick of being hungry all of the fucking time. As soon as i think about food i want it, right then and there. I have become slightly depressed and waking up this morning i thought 'What is the fucking point in doing this?' Then later on after i had crumpets for breakfast i thought 'OMG why did i just eat that, your fat remember?' When i'm hungry again i will think,'This isn't normal, no normal person does this, why can't i just be normal? I want to be normal, i can eat whatever the fuck i like' Then later on while eating my second piece of cake, 'FUCK, why have two pieces of cake? If i carry on like this i will be more obese that i already am, Start over again i can do this' 
  Can i do this? I feel like i'm loosing it. My water spilled in my bag today all over my german, art and science work. I didn't get annoyed and pissed off like i normally would. I laughed, really hard. I was creased with laughter because all my course work is ruined. This isn't a sain person right? It was the icing on top of my perfect week. To make me laugh even more, i won the art award! HA, theres nothing to prove of it because it is all destroyed but i still laughed. I am even laughing now thinking about my failures.
   My german resit got postponed to monday, great! So that means i have more to revise for.

Does anybody else get sick of their family? After my outburst of tears the other night, everyone has been very concerned about me. My mum came upto my room yesterday and told me that i didn't have to be perfect at everything. I don't know if that was her telling my i was fat and can still be pretty the way i am. Or telling me i stress out too much. Both i think. I am sick of people telling me i stress too much! I can't help it! I just won't be happy until i am perfect. I feel like i repeat that a lot but i really mean it!

My granddads birthday on sunday. That means cake. That means i will have to fight against eating some. How can i do this! What is my exuse! Argh i wish food wasn't such a big thing, it would be a lot easier to ignore!

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