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DIg me a hole so i can die in it.

635 calories today. Over my limit i know but these parents are doing my head in. I tried to fast and i only ate soup so now they are so concerned because i haven't ate much after that. I feel weak and drained, but i swear its because of the bug i have not the lack of food. I have done this before and felt fine, so why would it make a difference now. Well since that day my parents haven't took an eye off me. I heard my dad mumble to mum in the kitchen ,'She's going to end up a skeleton' I have to say i want to be a skeleton, i do not want fat on my body. It's gross, bones are natural when flab is just gross. I don't know if i am making it obvious that i am trying to aviod carbs. 'Do you want some toast?' I will say,'No bread is heavy on my stomach so it makes it hurt' what a pathetic excuse right? She is going to force me to eat cereal tomorrow moring. She was trying to convince me to have some before bed, but that is just absurd imagine how much weight i would gain. Eating before bed is never a good thing, because you will never burn it off. So i just said that my tummy was too sore and that i would have some tomorrow. Maybe i will wake up later tomorrow, make the ceral and throw it out.

Yes i have been off school for a week. I must off missed so much, i'm not going to think about it though becuase i will just get stressed and have a panic attack or something. I honestly feel depressed. I have been stuck in this house for so  long without speaking to anybody else but my parents. That is just depressing, but the thing is i don't want to go out.
1) because i don't trust myself with food outside the house, i know i will binge.
 2) because i have no energy, i walk 2 steps and have to sit down again.
This bug must be a really mean one.

I hate my friends. Yes i did just say that. Wanna no why. Because there all bitches. Not one of then has asked me how i am feeling. Even after i had a massive break down of tears when we were walking. Oh yeah and my bitchest friend of all i just concernd about are bloody report for duke of edinburgh. She keeps on texting me telling me what i have to wright about and that it has to be in for tomorrow. OMG, I haven't even been at school, i didn't get told about the fucking report. Now she i blaming ME, for failing because i am ill. Oh yeah then she has to go on about how much work i have missed and that i am going to have a fun time catching up. Its like she is braging because she is ahead of me. Because i am normaly the smart one, so always has to win and it pisssd me off. This is what she just text me:
'shit, i'll just get the wrath of mr hill..wonderful. Especally since me and (other friend) have been left to do it all. Your gunna have fun catching up with all the work...'
Is it just me or is that class A bitch. Not one hope you get better soon. Actually that was a lie she text me saying:
'better today?'
Nit even a hello. Argh she boils me piss so fucking much. I seriously want to text her back saying 'you know what your a fucking bitch'

I am so sorry for all of the teenage drama. Rant over.

Bekah
xxx

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