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She knows...

Can you believe this. I have just got home from my sisters i had dinner and i didn't have much of course. But the bowl full was massive so it looked like i haven't ate anything. So then came the questions. 'what have you ate today?, what did you eat yesterday?' Well i ate shit loads yesterday thanksto my sister. I have strawberries, malteasers, veggie pasta and a fish fnger wrap, disgusting amount of food. So i told her, but not for her that wasn't enough. She just raises her eyes. So i think thats it so i go upstairs to come on here. A couple of minutes later she comes into my room. She sits down askes me what i'm doing. Then she says that she's very worried about me, that i don't eat enough. Then she said your going to end up anorexic. She said it, she addmited it, she now knows i have a problem. She then carried on saying the weight was dropping off me, which it clearly isn't since i am a fat pig. I denied it of course. I said it was rediculous. She then said are you annoyed at me. Well yes i am annoyed this means i can't loose fucking weight anymore! I have to fucking eat when i don't want to all because of her being 'concerned' about me.

I didn't know what to say to her really. I wanted to laugh. I said to her 'well i think i eat enough' how ridiculous is that. I really hate her for spoiling this for me. As soon as i start getting closer to my goals. Well i guess this just means i will be hiding food a lot more often and a lot more of it. This makes me wonder if she has seen my food diary or seen the toberlone in the bin? I think not or her reaction would of been a lot worse.

I can't wait to move out. Then i will be able to control what i eat without her on my back. I will be able to loose weight so much easier and quicker. I won't have rotting food in my room from hiding it. I won't have to purge unless i personally fuck up. Life would be so much easier.

I hope her having worries about me doesn't stop me loosing weight. I refuse to gain weight. It is ridiclous if she makes me gain weight. I think i would cry. I have done so well and to have it all destroyed because of her. ARGH WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT!

Sorry for that. I sorta broke my pact for not swearing anymore. I think it's acceptable in this situation.

Tomorrow i am home with the father all day. I am going to try stay away from him and revise all day. This means i will be busy, too busy to have food. 600 calorie limit tomorrow and i WILL stick to that. Just downloaded MyFitnessPal for my phone. Think i'm going to like this app.

Okay i think i'm gunna go cry now. I need it out.
Bye
Bekah
xxx
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