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Goddamn those effing peanuts! I honestly cannot resist them! I really need someone to put me off them in some way! Gain control bekah!

Well since the slip up with the peanuts my net is 363, quite lame. My actual intake though is just hideous, 822! PUKE! So weak. Well since right now is almost impossible to restrict to a good level, i am calling this my, 'metabolism booting stage'. So i will be burning calories up without even doing anything! So myfitnesspal told me today that if every day was like today in five weeks time i would weigh, 100.9lbs. Really that is were i want to be, but i feel like i have ate for britian today! Well if i eat less, i'll weigh less.

I am still not getting on the scales until next friday becuase i know i will just hate myself. Hopefully it will be a gorgeous 114lbs! Or even 112, but that might be asking for too much!

I have to be strong tomorrow. My sisters birthday, more cake, FUCK! Really hate these bloddy birthdays! And to make things worse, i am spending the whole day with the mother.....fabulous. So that means, breakfats, lunch and dinner. Oh and cake. So i am planning on having banana for breakfast, lettuce and cucumber for lunch. Dinner, eat less as possibly can! Then have the smallest piece of cake ever!

I will have to do the 100 calorie workout like 5 times tomorrow night! Don't want to go over 800! URG i feel disgusting saying,'stay below 800' 800 is a huge amout of food, gross.

My new ulter-ego is Lia, from wintergirls! Now in the face of temptation i am just going to think,' what would lia do?' She would turn the mutherfucking food and get super skinny.

I got this new app which is called,'igoalinformer' Which tells you how much food ect you have to eat to get to your goal on time. So i put in my stats, and what i want to be by 1st september. It said that i have to eat 588 calories everyday to get there. So does that means overall intake or net goal? If it's net goal i really think i would be able to do it! Oh i also heard that if you go 21 days and over of giving something up you will less likely want to do it again. So that means i must go 21 days without, bingeing, purging and cutting. God, wish me luck!

Bekah
xxx

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I am just the binge machine. The only think i'm good at is gaining weight. I want to eat everything, i don't know why i just do. I'm not even hungry.