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Well the friend i was talking about yesterday bought me a belgian bun today. I ate it, then almost had a heart attack when i found out how many calories it had in it. 420 calories, 420 fucking calories. How disgusting. So i started to freak out and i was pacing around and i really wanted to go purge. I didn't but i did do alot of exercise when i got home. My net is 337 today. Might do more sit up to get it lower, ill see how i feel.

Well this friend is really getting on my back. He said,'i'm worried about you' today. I wanted to ask why but i just ignored him. He then kept on teasing saying that it is funny how i am full after an apple. But that isn't the case. I coulde eat the whole supermarket  NO! I need to stay strong. Eat less, be perfect, be empty, be beautiful. Yeah that is my mind all day long. Just if some people could see inside this head they would understand.

Last night i paced around with a razor in my hand for about 20 minutes. I gave in and cut. FAILURE. So i drew a butterfly on my wrist today. This is stopping. NO BINGING=NO CUTTING. Just a little deal i made with my self.

I feel so confused today. My brain has been shook around to much. I want to sleep. This post is so random i'm sorry. Hopefuly i will be more sane tomorrow.

Bekah
xxx

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