Well I do feel like crap today. I'm -70 cals but I just feel like I could of done better. My legs look huge. Im not even kidding. I think all the fat from my recent binges has gone straight to my thunder thighs.

I haven't felt empty in ages and even though I have been good, I just fell grossly full an bloated. I just want to be perfect. I know for sure that I won't be 114lbs tomorrow. So I will just h e to wait another week and hopefully see 114 or 112.

Sisters house tomorrow. She is still a bit Ill so maybe se won't be feeling food so much! Therefore she won't stuff me full until explosion. Other than her making me eat, I am looking forward to staying there! I do love spending time with my sister. We're gunna paint nails and make bracelets! I think I might make a red one!

Being feeling so numb today. Like I'm in a bubble filled of my thoughts about calories and self harm. I don't like I've actually spoken to anyone today. I don't even think I could speak, am I still alive? I surly don't feel it. Even after cutting. I'm sorry, I really am rubbish at recovering.

I'm a mess, I need to wake up.

Bekah
Xxx