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Well I really picked the worst time to start ABC because it was my dads birthday. Birthday=cake. I hate myself. I say this way too often.

Well today I was trying to be good at restricting but my friend was being all weird when I only had an apple. In my world an apple is a big deal. 55 calories do not get just an 'only' that's bloody loads! The he asked, "why don't you eat?" I didn't reply. The. He said,"why are you starving your self" well he seriously just said the truth right? Well I don't even know of he was asking me directly because he says these things but doesn't look at me or will not say anything when I don't reply. I didn't say anything back, maybe I should of. We then went to his mums shop he then told her that I had only had an apple, she then started saying,"that's not enough you must eat more" I just said I wasn't hungry. We then wondered around the shops and he was demanding that he bought me something to eat, I kept on rejecting starting to get a little pissed off. He eventually bought some candy sticks. I then ate my goddamn fucking sandwich because he was doing my head in and I thought that news would eventually spread to my mother that I hadn't ate anything so I just did. But then he still force fed me candy sticks,"I will hate you if you don't eat these" so I did. Crying on the inside. Well that flipped to binge switch. Ate a lot at dinner ate a lot of cake. Then I cut a lot afterwards. I hate this.

When he asked me why I didn't eat I was really tempted to tell him. What would he listen? Would he care? I didn't but I was bored in the office today so I wrote everything out on a piece of paper of what I wanted to say. I then stumbled it up and put it in the bin, because that isn't me I don't want to be this person.

Sorry for the depressing post. Hopefully the mood will lighten by tomorrow.

Bekah
Xxx

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