I was weak and gave into tempation yesterday, then i purged most of it up. Then i exercised for the rest of the day. I honestly felt like shit. Even though i had this downfall, i am still going to carry on with ABC! Despite my binge yesterday, i lost weight! Weird huh? I am now 118lbs. Still sucky weight but its coming off! But i honestly think that my scales are broken, because i was looking through pictures of me at 114lbs and now and i honeslt look slimmer now! Its so weird! As long as i'm getting skinnier i am happy!
It's my brothers birthday on saturday! So he is having a little family party at his house. I should really be looking forward to this but i'm just getting some more panic attacks. I am worried about the food, there is going to be cake there and i will be forced to eat it. This means it will break my ABC again and i will gain like 50lbs. Another worry is wtf am i going to wear? I have this really nice playsuit, but its quie short and tight and i feel like a whale in it, but it goes with this cardigan, which i will have to wear to cover my scars on my arm. But the other option is this really nice black and white dress, its not too short and its a bit big on me, so i will feel more comforatable. But it doesn't really go with a cardiagan it goes with a demin jacket, which i would have to take off! Ugh, maybe i shouldn't go at all and stay at home and cry over my fattness like i normally do.
I feel like such a loner. I haven't seen any of my friends in 2 weeks. I just feel to embarrassed to go out in public because i am just way too fat. I also don't want them to see my scars either...
Well i'm not the only one to blame, none of them have asked me out.
Some good news? I am clean 4 days! I am so proud of myself! Yesterday would of been one of the days were i would of hacked my legs and arms up but nope nothing! I just execised lots, now i can barely stand because all my muscles hurt so much!
Oh i got this app, igoalinformer, which tells you like how many calories you have to eat to get to your goal my a certain date. Well i typed in my stats and i thought lets put in 85lbs by december. It is totally possible! I can't believe it! So i could be at my UGW, by december. And you would never guess how many calories i would have to eat? 1657 calories everyday! Wow, that is so many. So since i eat less than that, i could be at 85 sooner! It is just ridulous isn't it! It's sort of scary though, that if i stay good i can be at my UGW! Well i guess, i've lost 5lbs in 4 days!
So UGW by december? Lets try my fucking hardest!!
Bekah
xxx
It's my brothers birthday on saturday! So he is having a little family party at his house. I should really be looking forward to this but i'm just getting some more panic attacks. I am worried about the food, there is going to be cake there and i will be forced to eat it. This means it will break my ABC again and i will gain like 50lbs. Another worry is wtf am i going to wear? I have this really nice playsuit, but its quie short and tight and i feel like a whale in it, but it goes with this cardigan, which i will have to wear to cover my scars on my arm. But the other option is this really nice black and white dress, its not too short and its a bit big on me, so i will feel more comforatable. But it doesn't really go with a cardiagan it goes with a demin jacket, which i would have to take off! Ugh, maybe i shouldn't go at all and stay at home and cry over my fattness like i normally do.
I feel like such a loner. I haven't seen any of my friends in 2 weeks. I just feel to embarrassed to go out in public because i am just way too fat. I also don't want them to see my scars either...
Well i'm not the only one to blame, none of them have asked me out.
Some good news? I am clean 4 days! I am so proud of myself! Yesterday would of been one of the days were i would of hacked my legs and arms up but nope nothing! I just execised lots, now i can barely stand because all my muscles hurt so much!
Oh i got this app, igoalinformer, which tells you like how many calories you have to eat to get to your goal my a certain date. Well i typed in my stats and i thought lets put in 85lbs by december. It is totally possible! I can't believe it! So i could be at my UGW, by december. And you would never guess how many calories i would have to eat? 1657 calories everyday! Wow, that is so many. So since i eat less than that, i could be at 85 sooner! It is just ridulous isn't it! It's sort of scary though, that if i stay good i can be at my UGW! Well i guess, i've lost 5lbs in 4 days!
So UGW by december? Lets try my fucking hardest!!
Bekah
xxx
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