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Today I was over 1000 cals. My sister wanted to make chocolate fudge cake. Worst thing ever I wanted to burst into tears. But, we did get an exercise bike so burning 200 cals on that and with walking and sit ups my net came to 500 something. It said I would bee 103lbs in 5 weeks. That's not good enough. I don't feel empty anymore!

Tomorrow I am seeing my sister again! I'm sick of her giving me food! So the plan is, stay strong until I get to hers, no breakfast, no lunch. Then just have dinner which is some pasta thing. So before I go, I will do an hour on the bike which would be 400 cals, I'll then do sit ups and I'll walk to hers. So hopefully I will be in minus cals!!

Mother has been annoying me again! She has gained a new irritating feature! When we sit down for dinner she gives me this a huge grin, like it's going to rip her face in half! I never smile back I just give her 'wtf are you doing, where only eating dinner' look. Then,When I start eating, cutting everything up in to small pieces, taking sips after almost every bite, she stares at me. I mean not in like an unnoticeable way! Her face may as well be in my plate the way she looks at it! Then she will ask,'did you enjoy that' well what I want to say is 'no you just made me eat 500 odd calories and fucked up my whole diet now I'm gunna gain and it's all your fault, leave me alone!' in stead I said 'it was lovely' immediately leaving the table to my bedroom to exercise! What a fake person I am.

I am 2 days clean from cutting. I need to stay strong and pray of 114lbs on Friday!

Bekah
Xxx

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