Skip to main content
Today was how I expected, filled with food and anxiety! But I made it through. I just thought I will have all my last treats before I start my diet, so then I wont have as bad cravings during the first week!

I was sitting at my sisters house today almost crying before she brought out dinner! I was hyperventilating and freaking out, which sucks. After dinner I wanted to purge so much! I felt so fat. I honestly wanted to go home and crawl in to a hole and never come out until I am perfect. But that is so never gunna happen so I sat their thinking about ABC, and how fucking skinny I'm gunna get (:

I am really looking forward to tomorrow! I feel really strong and I know I can do this! But, my mother is off work tomorrow! That sucks balls. So I am gunna have to eat through the day, which I didn't want at all. So I am planning on having grapes for breakfast and carrots for lunch and lentil soup for dinner! She doesn't really eat lunch anyways, so she cant complain to me! I honestly don't think she is worried about my weight anymore or the way I eat! Probably because I have been eating like a pig and have gained so much weight! So I am taking that to advantage, so now that she isn't worried I have her were I want her! She 'thinks' I eat lunch when I don't, so now I can go one step further and skip dinner. I plan on doing this by saying I am going to someone else's house for dinner, even if I am not, so I will just go for a walk or something instead! Even if I am at someone elses house(unlikely, I'm a total loner) I will just say that mother has already made my dinner! I think I will do that on my fasting days of ABC!

Anyways, last night was so bad for cutting. I wrote 'am I perfect' on my arm and lots more on my legs! But then I decided that enough was enough! I my razors are now down the drains! To be honest I miss them, I really could of done with them tonight....

Maybe more positive?
LETS GET SKINNY BITCHES!!!! <3
Bekah
Xxx

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sometimes, i don't think i have a problem. Not when i see the girls at school comparing how much their spine sticks out, i feel just normal. But then i realise that it isn't possibly normal to have anxiety attacks about eating a small amount of food. Once i've ate, i can honestly feel the calories turing in to glyceral, holding on to my muscles, my bones burying me deep into some hole of fatness. It scares me so much, my heart starts to pound, tears start to fall. Next thing i'm on the ground doing 100 sit-ups because it is the only way i know how to get the feeling to go away, or purging. I guess i could self harm but that doesn't make any difference to the fat on my body, it's just punishment. I deserve punishment for being to weak. Weakness should be my new name. I can't seem to resist that calorific chocolate, or those salty peanuts. That is it, i can't deal with the anxiety. I completly give up with food. It is not enjoyable. Today was the closed i ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Development of Multi-Professional Occupational Health Services

During the ultimate fifty years a want to lessen the rate of occupational injuries and sicknesses, and to deal with the financial burden that arises from place of job injuries and illnesses onto the tax payer through the externalization of costs, has compelled the business enterprise of the country wide infrastructure to aid employers to fulfill their prison duty in fitness and protection at paintings. This was to a huge volume guided by way of the International Labour Organization (ILO) conventions. The ILO Occupational Safety and Health Convention, No one hundred fifty five (13) and its Recommendation, No 164 (14), provide for the adoption of a national occupational safety and fitness policy and prescribe the moves needed on the national and on the man or woman employer tiers to sell occupational safety and health and to improve the operating surroundings. The ILO OH Services Convention, No. 161 and its Recommendation, No. 171 (33), offer for the established order of occupational fit...
Post a Comment
Read more
I am just the binge machine. The only think i'm good at is gaining weight. I want to eat everything, i don't know why i just do. I'm not even hungry.
Post a Comment
Read more