Skip to main content

Weekend madness

I have had a really weird weekend. I went to my sisters in Friday, we were sunbathing in the garden and she asked to look at my phone to search for a recipe. Well I had forgotten that the previous night I was search for 'effects of anorexia' just out of interest. When she seen it she was so shocked. I didn't know what to say. I just said I was just anxious about everything. Then she started saying stuff about how my body is perfect and that I shouldn't worry. Then she was making dinner and she was joking around and she said 'what are you so upset over' I said nothing. Then being her jokey sells she said 'are you scared of cheese? Are you scared of bread?' I laughed but little did she know that i am scare, I am scared of calories. She also stared saying that she would miss me so much if I wasn't here and that I'm here best friend for life. I wanted to burst into tears. I know she is concerned. I think I'm gunna go tithe doctors about my anxiety, it is just getting worse.
So Saturday, mother was off and we met my sister about lunch. We were in town shopping around. I hate these sort of days because they always contain food and lots and lots of it. So I binged and I wanted to purge but I can't when there's lots of people about so I just gained weight instead. Oh yeah it was my brothers birthday party that night. I wore my playsuit. OMFG I looked like a beached whale. I felt like shit no matter how much my sister told me I look pretty. So I got wasted. I was so drunk by 9pm. The playsuit was also bad in other areas since it is so hard to pee in when drunk. So I had to take the whole thing off then I couldn't get it back on again, it was such a disaster! But then in my drunken state, I was shouting 'i don't give a shit if i gain weight' while eating Doritos and peanuts simultaneously. So this morning I am hungover and I feel like a whale after shoving two slices of French toast down my throat.
Today is my brothers actual birthday so here comes the cake, that I might be able to purge if I run the bath water.
Tomorrow will be good and I am gunna fast until 6pm, and hopefully shed these extra pounds. I havent weighed myself because I think I might take a hammer to the scales.

Goal to loose 5 pounds this week. Wish me luck! listen to the song skin and bones by marinas trench. Omg, it relates so much to my life!

Bekah
Xxx

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sometimes, i don't think i have a problem. Not when i see the girls at school comparing how much their spine sticks out, i feel just normal. But then i realise that it isn't possibly normal to have anxiety attacks about eating a small amount of food. Once i've ate, i can honestly feel the calories turing in to glyceral, holding on to my muscles, my bones burying me deep into some hole of fatness. It scares me so much, my heart starts to pound, tears start to fall. Next thing i'm on the ground doing 100 sit-ups because it is the only way i know how to get the feeling to go away, or purging. I guess i could self harm but that doesn't make any difference to the fat on my body, it's just punishment. I deserve punishment for being to weak. Weakness should be my new name. I can't seem to resist that calorific chocolate, or those salty peanuts. That is it, i can't deal with the anxiety. I completly give up with food. It is not enjoyable. Today was the closed i ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Lyme Disease - Are You at Risk?

Here is a question for you regarding Lyme disorder - are you at danger? Do you want to spend your summer season with camping or trekking inside the amazing outside? If you do, probabilities are true that you will come into touch with at the least a few ticks. Ticks, or extra mainly, deer ticks are the primary companies of this painful situation.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Development of Multi-Professional Occupational Health Services

During the ultimate fifty years a want to lessen the rate of occupational injuries and sicknesses, and to deal with the financial burden that arises from place of job injuries and illnesses onto the tax payer through the externalization of costs, has compelled the business enterprise of the country wide infrastructure to aid employers to fulfill their prison duty in fitness and protection at paintings. This was to a huge volume guided by way of the International Labour Organization (ILO) conventions. The ILO Occupational Safety and Health Convention, No one hundred fifty five (13) and its Recommendation, No 164 (14), provide for the adoption of a national occupational safety and fitness policy and prescribe the moves needed on the national and on the man or woman employer tiers to sell occupational safety and health and to improve the operating surroundings. The ILO OH Services Convention, No. 161 and its Recommendation, No. 171 (33), offer for the established order of occupational fit...
Post a Comment
Read more