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So I am going out tonight. Yes I am talking my fat ass out for the world to see. I am going to the shows with a couple of friends which I like a fair? It's a back to school thing. So I am nervous. I am nervous that everyone will be starring at me because I'm so fat or judging me in some way. Yes I am a very paranoid person. One thing I am nervous about is food. I refuse to eat anything they offer/force me to eat. My intake is so good for today (190) do I want to keep it that way.

So school today was okay. Well actually I was happy! I GOT A B IN MATHS. Wow that is the best mark I have ever got in Maths. I was 2 marks off an A. Wow, wow. So I got moved up a class!! Yay!

On the subject of school, my teacher was talking today "you really do not need to worry because you will be able to resit, so don't go slitting your wrists" (everyone laughs) at this moment in time I wanted to get up an leave the class. I hate jokes about self harm. I felt so awkward because I didn't know what to do with my wrists (I had no bracelets on) so I got all paranoid thinking people would see. They didn't. But what if that teacher seen my wrists and just remembered that joke. He would feel like shit. Yes I do cut myself because of reasons like failing in class because I then blame myself for being an overall failure. Argh it just annoyed me how people laughed. How could you laugh about someone cutting them selves. God how dense are some people.

Anyways I have shit loads of homework this weekend. I have a presentation to do on Monday. I think that Is one of my worst hated things, standing in front of the whole class and talking. I always stubble on my words and look like a fool. So my weekend is filled with homework, I don't even know why I'm complaining, what else would I be doing.

A picture of what I'm wearing tonight.
Blah looking so fucking gross.

Bekah
Xxx

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